


i said there is no reason for my fear

by gilligankane



Series: you can tell everybody this is your song [42]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: 80's Music, F/F, Mixtape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 15:37:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21255692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gilligankane/pseuds/gilligankane
Summary: But Wynonna made her promise, Scouts Honor, that she would come to game night and she could bring Shae and Shae wanted to go and-And Shae ishereand Nicole is less interested in playing moderator to Waverly and Wynonna. She got the couch this week, all to Shae and herself, and they’re still pressed into one corner on one cushion, holding hands.





	i said there is no reason for my fear

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place during [sometimes love don't feel like it should](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13624155), before Valentine's Day in 1986.

**“Can’t Fight This Feeling” REO Speedwagon, 1984**  
' _ Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore; I've forgotten what I started fighting for. And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door. Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore. _

It still feels weird to hold Shae’s hand. 

_ Not weird _ , Nicole thinks.  _ Different _ . It feels different. A good different. A  _ great _ different. Shae’s hand doesn’t quite fit all the way. Their fingers still stick together sometimes. But Shae’s hand is warm and it’s soft and Nicole likes that thing she does when she rubs her thumb down the center of Nicole’s palm. It makes her feel like the first few chords of “Can’t Fight This Feeling” and hot chocolate after standing out in the snow and reading a brand new  _ Rolling Stone _ .

Shae’s fingers flex in her hand. “Earth to Nicole.”

Nicole blinks and smiles quickly. “Sorry, what?”

“We’re deciding what game to play.” Wynonna burps loudly, pressing a hand to her stomach. “I voted for you.”

Nicole frowns. “We’re not playing Snakes and Ladders. You cheat at Snakes and Ladders.”

Wynonna sticks her tongue out at Nicole. “You’re confusing cheating with talent.”

“You can’t be  _ talented _ at Snakes and Ladders. It’s all luck.”

Wynonna spreads her arms wide, her soda spilling over one edge and dripping onto the carpet. Gus is going to kill her if she finds it. “Then I’m the luckiest person ever.”

“What about Scrabble?”

Wynonna scowls. “No. We’re not playing Scrabble.”

Waverly is already shaking her head. “Just because  _ you _ can’t-”

Nicole pulls her hand from Shae’s, holding them up at Wynonna and Waverly. “Guys, don’t.”

Doc slides down the couch, legs stretched out as he settles on the floor. “Ladies,” he drawls. “Must we do this every time?”

“ _ Must _ we always go with what  _ Wynonna _ wants?” Waverly glares at Doc. “You’re just going to take her side.”

Nicole sighs. “Guys,” she tries again.

“Just because you can’t spell,” Waverly repeats. “Doesn’t mean we can’t play at least one round of Scrabble.”

Wynonna grits her teeth. “I don’t want to play Scrabble.”

“We’re not playing Scrabble,” Nicole decides. “And we’re not playing Snakes and Ladders. So, what else do we have?”

Shae takes her hand again and Nicole’s stomach flutters. It’s different and it’s  _ nice _ and Wynonna angrily stomping around the living room fades out into the opening notes of a Survivor song. She’s not sure which one, but she doesn’t care; it still sounds good.

Shae leans into her. “Do they do this a lot?”

Nicole shivers a little, Shae’s breath hot against the side of her face. “Do what?”

Shae hooks her chin into the soft top of Nicole’s shoulder, her face too close for Nicole to focus on. “Argue.”

It’s her first game night with them. Nicole nearly forgot. It’s the same thing every week: Wynonna wants to play what Wynonna wants, and Waverly doesn’t want to play whatever that is, and Doc stays quiet while Nicole tries to defuse the bomb that is the Earp sisters. She wonders if this is what cops feel like when they’re talking down a robber.  _ I hope so _ , she thinks.  _ I already have the practice _ . 

But Waverly knows about Shae now. Waverly is talking to her, a little bit. And this is the first week they’ve had game night since that day in Mattie’s, the day the bottom of the world fell out and left Nicole standing there with “Every Breath You Take” playing on the shop speakers. The rest of the weeks had passed slowly. Waverly made excuses. Nicole made dates with Shae. They’ve gone ice skating and to Shorty’s and Shae’s dad drove them to Banff so they could climb Goat’s Eye Mountain 

But Wynonna had enough and made her promise, Scouts Honor, that she would come to game night and she could bring Shae and Shae wanted to go and-

And Shae is here and Nicole is less interested in playing moderator to Waverly and Wynonna. She got the couch this week, all to Shae and herself, and they’re still pressed into one corner on one cushion, holding hands.

She wonders what the feeling in her stomach is. 

“-because  _ you _ ,” Wynonna spits, jabbing a finger into Waverly’s face.

“Wynonna,” Doc says politely.

Waverly scoffs, throwing her crimped hair over one shoulder. “ _ Whatever _ , Wynonna. We all know-”

“Waverly,” Doc tries. He looks imploringly at Nicole.

Shae’s hand flexes in hers. “Can you make them stop?”

Nicole sighs. “Yeah,” she mumbles. “I mean, I can try.” She untangles her hand from Shae’s again and pushes off the cushion, swaying as she finds her footing. She can feel Shae’s hand at the back of her knee and it takes a minute longer before she feels steady again. 

Waverly opens her mouth, sucking in a lungful of air that Nicole knows is about to launch into a long list of the reasons why Wynonna is lame. So she steps forward, putting her body in front of Waverly, her hands up.

“Wait.” Waverly’s mouth snaps shut before she opens it again. “No,” Nicole says sharply. “Just wait. No one wants to actually play Scrabble. You know that, right?”

Wynonna shouts  _ ha _ behind her. 

Nicole turns. “And no one wants to play Snakes and Ladders with you, either.”

Waverly sticks her tongue out at Wynonna.

“So we’re not playing either of those things, okay?” She sighs. “We do this every week.”

“How would you know?” she hears behind her. She looks back over her shoulder, and Waverly is glaring at her. “You’re never here anymore.” There’s something in Waverly’s voice that puts a weird feeling in her stomach. She doesn’t know the right word for it, but she doesn’t like it. She’s never liked it. She’s never liked when Waverly is mad at her, won’t talk to her. And Waverly is only ever mad at her now.

Shae leans forward a little on the couch. “That’s kind of my fault,” she offers. “I’ve been hogging her time.”

Waverly’s face tightens.

Wynonna shoulders Nicole out of the way, pushing her across the carpeted floor. Waverly grips the bottom of Nicole’s shirt and pulls, tugging Nicole back a step. Her knuckles brush the skin of Nicole’s stomach and something stutters in her chest like a tear in a cassette hitting the pressure pad. 

It’s the closest she’s been to Waverly since-

Nicole shakes her head slightly. Shae’s hand is on her calf, her fingers hot through the denim of her jeans. Waverly’s hand is burning against her stomach. She feels stuck, like the carpet will roll back and swallow her into the floorboards. Shae at her back and Waverly at her front and Nicole is trapped between the two of them for a moment that feels like a year before Waverly lets her go. She stumbles back against Shae’s hand.

“We’re just going to play Pictionary, like normal,” Wynonna decides. She makes a  _ duh _ face, like this didn’t occur to her before. 

Nicole wants to say  _ yes _ . The word builds in her throat. Just like normal. They can go back to normal. Wynonna can partner with Doc and Nicole can partner with-

Nicole’s throat closes. “We have five players,” she manages. 

Wynonna frowns, already pulling the sand timer out of the box. “So what?”

“So...” Nicole glances at Waverly, but doesn’t look at her for long. “We have five players.”

” _ Oh... _ ” Wynonna drags out. “So, baby girl is flying solo.”

Waverly stiffens. “What?”

Wynonna rolls her eyes. “Don’t be a bag, Waverly. You can do things on your own. You don’t always need to hold Nicole’s hand.”

“ _ You hate it when I try to hold your hand. _ ” Waverly had said. 

“I don’t need Nicole to hold my hand,” Waverly says, her chin in the air. “I don’t need her to do anything at all.”

“We can just be a team of three.” Shae tugs lightly at the cuff of Nicole’s pants and Nicole sits down. “We can just rotate turns.”

“No,” Waverly says shortly. 

“It’s no problemo.” She shrugs a shoulder. “It makes the most sense.”

“See?” Wynonna grins. “I knew I liked you. Someone level-headed.”

Nicole frowns. “ _ I’m _ level-headed.”

Wynonna rolls her eyes. “Not when it comes to Waverly, you’re not.”

That sputtering feeling swells in her chest again. Shae’s hand flutters against her back, tapping out the start of Tears for Fears’ “Head Over Heels” in a sticky rhythm. She has to take two shallow breaths before she can force a crooked smile and a roll of her eyes back at Wynonna.

“Yeah, right.”

“Stuff it,” Waverly growls. “I don’t need someone to babysit me.”

Wynonna pulls the pads out of the Pictionary box, passing one to Doc and the other to Shae. “Just pick a team, Waverly. You don’t want to be with Roller and Shae, then be with me and John Henry.”

_ Please _ , Nicole prays.  _ Please be with Wynonna and Doc _ .

But Waverly squares her shoulders and pushes her chin up even higher, and when she drops down hard onto the couch, Nicole sways into her side. Their shoulders clap together and Shae’s hand falls off her back, catching on her belt loop until her hand slides back into her lap. 

“Great,” Shae says brightly.

“Great,” Waverly says tightly.

“Great,” Nicole whispers.

Wynonna makes a face at Nicole. “What’s your beef?”

Nicole straightens up quickly. “Nothing. I’m good. Clutch. Aces.”

“ _ Aces _ ,” Wynonna mocks. She hands Nicole the tokens and then the board, jerking her head at the coffee table. “Set it up, Ace.”

Nicole moves on autopilot, opening the board and setting up the tokens. She picks out the black one for Wynonna and Doc and her hand hesitates on the other three. Waverly likes the blue one so they always get the blue one, but Shae reaches forward around her and grabs the red one, holding it up with a smile. “This one?” 

Nicole gives her a strained smile back. 

Waverly says nothing.

Wynonna flicks a category card at them and it hits Waverly in the forehead, bouncing into Nicole’s lap. “Pick the artist. It has to rotate.” She jabs a finger in Waverly’s direction. “You don’t get to be the artist two times in a row.”

Shae laughs lightly. “I’m a terrible artist.”

“Good!” Wynonna grins back at her. “John Henry can’t draw to save his life, let alone win a game of Pictionary.”

Nicole sways into Shae’s shoulder. “I usually win this game.”

Shae’s hand curls around Nicole’s knee. “I usually win, too. Guess we’re going to sweep ‘em.”

“Like the Islanders swept the Oilers in ‘84 so they could play the Canadiens?”

Shae snorts. “The Canadiens beat the Islanders.”

“Can we just play?” Waverly interrupts.

Nicole jumps a little. “Right. Okay.”

Wynonna puts her token down on the board hard. “Can it, all of you.” She smacks at Doc’s hat, knocking it off his head. “Let’s go, John Henry. Bring those blue eyes over here and help me kick their assess.”

“Uh, we’re going to kick  _ your _ ass,” Shae counters. Her hand tightens on Nicole’s knee. “Right?”

Nicole covers Shae’s hand with her own and squeezes back. “Of course we are. Wynonna just yells at Doc until he can’t draw anymore.”

“Wynonna does yell rather loudly.” Doc pulls himself up off the floor and picks up the empty cans of Crush on the table. “Can I get you ladies something else to drink?”

Nicole watches him go into the kitchen and wishes she could follow him, just to get some space. She loves the living room in the McCready house. She’s listened to some good music here. Read some good  _ Rolling Stone _ articles. She sat and watched hockey games with Curtis here. But now it feels stifling. Waverly feels stifling. Nicole can feel her glaring at the side of her head, and it burns uncomfortably.

She shouldn’t have come to game night. It’s too much Waverly, too soon. Waverly is still mad. Waverly still can’t look her in the eye. She knew it was too soon. She knew it would go this way. Waverly would ice her out and Wynonna would wind Waverly up and Nicole wouldn’t be able to do her job. She wouldn’t be able to keep them on track. Curtis would have wanted more.

She should have taken Shae to the movies to see  _ The Adventures of the American Rabbit _ like she wanted to. Her mom gave her a little bit of money and she could have bought them a popcorn to share and a soda to split. Instead, she’s stuck here, and her heart is doing somersaults in her chest. 

She still  _ likes _ Waverly. She’s sure she’s always going to like Waverly. She might even  _ love _ Waverly.

But Shae likes  _ her _ . She likes Shae and Shae likes her back. And Shae makes her mixtapes after Nicole taught her how. Shae splits cans of Orange Crush with her. Shae kisses her goodbye in the dark on her back porch. Shae  _ likes _ her in a way no one has ever liked her before.

Maybe she can love Shae, too.

It’ll be different than Waverly. Everything is different with Waverly. But “Can’t Fight This Feeling” comes on and Nicole forgets all of the ways that Shae is different from Waverly. It fills spaces in Nicole’s chest that she didn’t know were empty. She thought it was all filled up; all Waverly, all the time. But Shae still fits in there. She fitsat their lunch table and she fits on the back of Nicole’s bike.

She  _ likes _ Shae and she won’t apologize for it. 

Not to anyone. Not to Waverly.

_ Especially _ not to Waverly.


End file.
